I wasn't able to underhand fast pitch
outline for staying organized
1. I practiced
2. asked about my stance
3. asked about my pitch swing
4. i put it together and pitched three pitches and he said i was a natural
Prewriting
I couldn't do it, I was stuck. My coach nodded and said it was all wrong and i needed to take a break. I didn't know how to pitch. I was scared i thought if i didnt know if i was going to figure it out by the time the season started.i picked up the ball got in my stance took a beep breath and pitched. it went left not straight, i got yelled at again.
i took a break sat and thought asked coach Greg and coach Bart to show me what my stance should look like it ends up that everything i did was opposite of what i should have done. i was doing left before right went it should have been right before left. i practiced by myself for a half an hour. than i went up to the head coach and asked him to be a catcher. he asked me to first show me my stance i did and he positioned my bodie the way it should be.
after my stance he showed me where my hand should go for my pitching.he lined my thumd on the ball so it made a backwards c and my four fingers to make a forward c.Than i slow motionly went through my swing and found out that my swing was the only thing i was doing
right.i was happy but not happy enough to by proud of myself i still had to be able to do it all together for a fast pitch in motion .
so i went through the hole thing while my coach catched and all the practice i did finaly payed off i could now fast pitch and my coach said that i was very good at it.I was so happy and so proud at the same time that i could pitch.
You have a very good start, Ann. You have a definite voice in your essay, but what is missing is the statement of what your problem is and genralizations that are topic sentences for the different paragraphs. Keep working on this. 4/22/12 No further revisions. This is the final grade. Ideas -2 The problem you are using this situation to describe is clearly stated. Organization 2 - This is a story, not a five-paragraph essay. Word Choice 5 Voice 5 Fluency 5 Conventions 3 Several capitalization and comma errors. YOu also had some spelling errors. Total points - C+
School Play Test
I wasn't able to underhand fast pitch
outline for staying organized
1. I practiced
2. asked about my stance
3. asked about my pitch swing
4. i put it together and pitched three pitches and he said i was a natural
Prewriting
I couldn't do it, I was stuck. My coach nodded and said it was all wrong and i needed to take a break. I didn't know how to pitch. I was scared i thought if i didnt know if i was going to figure it out by the time the season started.i picked up the ball got in my stance took a beep breath and pitched. it went left not straight, i got yelled at again.
i took a break sat and thought asked coach Greg and coach Bart to show me what my stance should look like it ends up that everything i did was opposite of what i should have done. i was doing left before right went it should have been right before left. i practiced by myself for a half an hour. than i went up to the head coach and asked him to be a catcher. he asked me to first show me my stance i did and he positioned my bodie the way it should be.
after my stance he showed me where my hand should go for my pitching.he lined my thumd on the ball so it made a backwards c and my four fingers to make a forward c.Than i slow motionly went through my swing and found out that my swing was the only thing i was doing
right.i was happy but not happy enough to by proud of myself i still had to be able to do it all together for a fast pitch in motion .
so i went through the hole thing while my coach catched and all the practice i did finaly payed off i could now fast pitch and my coach said that i was very good at it.I was so happy and so proud at the same time that i could pitch.
You have a very good start, Ann. You have a definite voice in your essay, but what is missing is the statement of what your problem is and genralizations that are topic sentences for the different paragraphs. Keep working on this.
4/22/12 No further revisions. This is the final grade.
Ideas -2 The problem you are using this situation to describe is clearly stated.
Organization 2 - This is a story, not a five-paragraph essay.
Word Choice 5
Voice 5
Fluency 5
Conventions 3 Several capitalization and comma errors. YOu also had some spelling errors.
Total points - C+